im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
