so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
