When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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