Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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