i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
