Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
