Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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