I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I need to calm my uterus...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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