My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
