I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
