The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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