My balls are so social today.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
