Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
