I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
babies were throwing up all over the place
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
