Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
