i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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