I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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