omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
