i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
