I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
