I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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