Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She announced her abortion via fbk
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
