I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
