matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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