my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I could fuck to npr.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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