theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
