Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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