We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
