Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
