i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
