So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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