I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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