dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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