My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
