I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
