mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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