The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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