so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
