: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
why didn't you poke me back
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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