I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Whod you bang
so explain again why im purple
no
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
