Cold hands, warm shart.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
