My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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