I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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