His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
