I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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