his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
