a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
