is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
