16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
