he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
