My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize