My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I love you. Go after that dick
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
