Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
