Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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