508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
