my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it's like iHOP with fire
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i believe in u and ur pee
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