I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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