I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
