im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize