i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
