exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
