The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
