she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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