wat bout pragnant strippers??
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize