He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
