I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
