I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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