We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize