hotel room ftw
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
