sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Randomize
