you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
