I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
