is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
