thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
