my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
