I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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