all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
