remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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