so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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