I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
