Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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