I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
