He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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